i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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