Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
