I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
