the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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