why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
