i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sobbing to NWA
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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