Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
