Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
