how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
