In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
