Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
