and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
