i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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