hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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