wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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