dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the condom got lost in my hair
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
