so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
