I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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