Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
