Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My first STD was from a foam party
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
