dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
