You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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