I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
