I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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