Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
