No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
