wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she pinky promised me she was 18
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
