I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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