the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
this is an emotional support booty call
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
