i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
