Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
