Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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