I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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