I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am available for nakedness
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
