like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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