It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
