I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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