Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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