My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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