what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
