Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
