I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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