I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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