I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
