i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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