Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fill condoms, not promises.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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