need another drink. this is the easiest way
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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