I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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