So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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