it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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